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How to Keep Passion Alive

Posted by Dr. Ellen Kreidman on

We are so caught up in our daily routine that we forget all about keeping closeness and passion alive. Many times we're not even aware that this change has occurred, but one day we wake up and realize with a shock that we are living as roommates instead of lovers.

Living with a good friend means there is mutual respect, common interests, companionship, and security, but no passion. It may not be the worst thing that can happen, but I'm here to tell you that you can keep your best friend and get your lover back too.

Engaging in a ten-second kiss every day declares that you are lovers- not just roommates. It helps you stay connected. Even though you may tell your mate you love them every day, giving them a ten-second kiss tells them, "I'm still in love with you." 

The ten-second kiss has a more immediate and dramatic effect on a relationship than any other homework I've ever assigned. Given in the morning, it sets the tone for the rest of the day. Given early in the evening, it sets the mood for the rest of the night. No matter what time of day you kiss, you'll feel warm, close, and connected. The casual kiss, the peck on the cheek are ways of saying our relationship is comfortable, platonic. In order to go from pleasant to passionate, you have to feel how delicious and meaningful a ten-second kiss really is.

I use this exercise in all of my seminars because I want to demonstrate to people that it doesn't matter whether they feel like kissing each other or not: the result of the ten-second kiss is the same. They may feel distant, annoyed, embarrassed, humiliated, or uncomfortable before the kiss. But when they do it anyway, the result of their action is a feeling of connection, warmth, safety, tenderness, and even passion. Usually, the ones who resist it the most are the ones who enjoy it so much they refuse to stop even when the time is up.