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Your Promise, My Promise

Posted by Dr. Ellen Kreidman on


I want you to promise me that, from this moment on, you will take full responsibility for your own happiness. 

You can always find someone else who is willing to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, but no matter who it is – a marriage counselor, your spouse, a parent, a friend, or even a neighbor, you’re always better off making your own decisions regarding your happiness. If you focus on improving yourself, you’ll automatically build a better relationship with your mate. If, on the other hand, you focus on trying to improve your mate, it will lead to disappointment and failure. We can never improve someone else’s behavior – only our own.

In any love relationship, there is a chain reaction.. If you do some changing, your mate will react to the change in you. For example, Anna, a student in one of my classes, told me that every Friday night her husband went out with “the boys,” and would always come home drunk around three in the morning. Sometimes he even approached her for sex (not love-making) in this condition. Anna, dreaded Friday nights, and by Wednesday she would typically start nagging her husband to stay home the coming Friday and the fight would start. On one particular Friday evening, as Anna’s husband got ready to leave, she gave him a big hug and kiss and said, “Honey, I’ve been very selfish. You work hard all week and you really do deserve a night out. I want you to have fun tonight, and when you get home, I’ll be waiting up and have a snack ready for you.”

Her husband looked at her and shouted, “Don’t wait up, and don’t have a snack waiting! I don’t know what time I’ll be home!”

With that, he slammed the front door and left. That night, for the first time in sixteen years, he came home before midnight and had only two beers. Although he automatically reacted to his wife in the same way that he always had, he must have said to himself after he left, “Gee, that was really nice of her to say, and look how I reacted. I feel really awful (and probably a little guilty).” I don’t care if it was guilt that made him change his usual pattern; what’s important is the result – he came home early and was not drunk.

My promise to you is that as you apply the principles taught in this course, you will see incredible, almost magical, changes take place in your life and, most important, in your mate. In this case, he would be more loving and romantic. Your communication with him will improve. You will be showered with gifts and other tokens of his appreciation for you. You’ll feel special and important. Most of all, you will experience more inner peace and happiness than you have ever known before.

In addition, you will discover that my courses, Light His Fire for women and Light Her Fire for men have principles and techniques that have a ripple effect – principles behind developing a more loving relationship with your spouse. When applied to your children, will make them more considerate and helpful. When applied in the workplace, your boss will become more appreciative and admiring. When your personal love life works, everyone else benefits from your happiness.